It is raining outside and the sky is cloudy and grey. Even so, I have sunshine in my heart. I think all the prayers I have asked for have finally settled in. At the beginning of this month I felt awful; every minute I thought “Mary is dead.” and it hurt. I wasn’t sleeping hardly at all and would wake up exhausted when I did. I felt like sleeping every minute of the day and found it so very hard to get out of bed.
Today, however, I feel pretty good. Though I do feel somewhat tired from the long weekend without help from Presten, I feel refreshed from my sleep. One thing that stands out is that the first three weeks of this month were so slow – every minute went by like an hour. It was horrible! The past few days have moved much more like they should and today is already moving along quite well.
So despite the rainy weather outside, I feel great. Yes, Mary is dead; I have no sister to be there for me. But it has caused me to lean much more on God which is where I should have turned with or without a sister. We will all die someday – except those few who will still be living when Jesus returns – and, though that may sound morbid, it makes me cherish life more. I think sometimes we push through life, rushing, rushing, rushing, as if the end holds something we have to race to or we wont get it. When the truth is that this is a prize. Death is inevitable; life is a gift. God put us here to enjoy this life, not to rush through it. And, yes, I am well aware of the Bible verses (Heb. 12:1-3; Phil 3:12-14)) that talk about “running the race” and “winning the prize” but he didn’t mean we should rush through life. He meant we shouldn’t give up and quit; we should persevere as athletes do. And I don’t think most people who rush through life are rushing to Heaven, though I’m sure some are. I think most people who rush through life are just wanting to get past the moment. There are so many moments that are boring, sad, painful, worthless, or negative in some way. But perhaps many of those moments are that way because of our perspective. Perhaps if, sometimes, we looked at those moments differently we would see God’s purpose and understand and maybe even appreciate those seemingly negative moments. I’m not saying there are no bad times, just that some bad times are just that because of our perception.
Enough depth for this morning… I’m having a great day and I hope all those who grieve can feel the peace I am feeling right now.