hello. its me again…

Hello there.  It’s me again.  I don’t even know if anyone reads this silly thing… but I post any way.  Why do I post? Because I feel like sharing and figure even if only one person reads it – as Barry said today – it might matter to that one.

I realized tonight an interesting thing.  I have often thought that life is like being a flower (or something more masculine if you’re a guy… maybe a cactus?) in a garden.  Flowers need rain/water, sunshine and nutrients/fertilizer.  I am an exceptionally needy flower – perhaps an orchid (my mom never could get those stupid things to bloom)!!  Unfortunately, I need extra water, extra sunshine and an awful lot of fertilizer.  Tonight I am going to focus on the fertilizer.

When I was growing up on the farm my dad loved to make flower beds and veggie gardens for my mom. He started with a huge garden at first and now it has worked its way down to a much smaller garden more appropriate for two people.  Initially that huge garden was very demanding.  The first year I remember he put a lot of corn in that field – so much corn most of it rotted because we just couldn’t harvest it all! What would we do with it??  We ate a LOT of corn that year, might I add.  But afterward, Dad said the crop needed extra fertilizer.  Artie, across the street, ran a large cow farm and had a lot of manure that was very good for fertilizer. Dad made a deal with Artie that he would help Artie out and remove some of the manure.  Artie said he could have as much as he wanted since he had an abundance of cow poop with so many cows.  We must have made several dozen trips back and forth with the tractor scooping up manure to fertilize the crops.  Dad put it on EVERYTHING – the flower gardens, the veggie gardens, even around the trees on the side of our drive way — if it needed to grow, Dad dumped fertilizer on it.  Finally mom said “enough!” and dad stopped for a while.  But I tell you, everything grew really well that year! 🙂

My life is like that.  When I need to grow, God dumps poop on me – or perhaps lets Satan do it, but God still lets it happen and knows it needs to happen.  This poop – suffering of many different kinds – makes me grow and turns me into the person He desires me to be.  Since I was young I have had an awful lot of poop dumped on my life – everything from abuse to the death of my beloved (if not a little witchy sometimes) sister.  But you know what? I wouldn’t change ANY of it!  I wouldn’t take back the abuse, the car accident, my sisters death, or the constant roller coaster I have been on! Because I happen to like the progress I have made.  Nope, I’m not perfect yet, so I know there must be more poop coming.  But I know that each time God gives me more trials, He also helps me grow and molds me.  And just like those difficult orchids, I produce a beautiful blossom.

Did you know that there are some flowers that only bloom once?  I don’t know what kinds of flowers they are, but I have heard that people wait and wait for the flower to bloom and when it does they have this huge to-do with their flower friends and they all watch it bloom.  It sounds a bit silly unless you are the flower.  So when I bloom and become perfect and beautiful, I know everyone will want to get together and see it. Wont it be beautiful?  You think I’m okay now? Just wait until I’m perfect! 🙂

Oh and one more point… Did you know that corn sucks?  Oh yeah! It just sucks the nutrients right out of the soil.  You have to rotate the crops so that the soil doesn’t become so depleted that it’s worthless.  So farmers will put corn in a field one year, then the next year put soy beans or some other rich fertilizing crop that will enrich the soil instead of sucking it dry.  I think sometimes God does that in life.  Presten observed that I have been growing really fast the past few years and he just can’t keep up!  But Presten has seen his own trials, too.  Right now I am in a bit of a happy time for me, with a lot less poop than usual.  I think God must be rotating my crop so that I don’t get sucked so dry.  Because you see, each time I am fertilized it makes me grow which is an awful lot of work!  Afterward I feel hungry and tired.  So He gives me rest so that when the future trials come, I will be rested and prepared to face them, not so depleted I cant take it.

Yes, yes I know the verse that says God doesn’t force us to sin.  But I also know the story of Job that depicts Satan asking God if he can mess with Job and God commanding Satan not to do this but he can do that.  I think real life today is just like that.  God may not directly do things to us, but I tell you that no harm can come to us without God’s approval.
Job 2:6 “The Lord said to Satan, ‘Very well, then, he is in your hands; but you must spare his life.” 
Do you think Satan could kill Job, if he wanted to, against God’s will?  Surely not. I believe God knows when we need fertilizer and He may not call up the farmer to go dump it on the crop – just as Artie did not suggest to my Dad that he take the cow manure – but God approves of it.  Sometimes we just need poop to make us grow.  So when poop is dumped on your life, it may stink and you may hate every stinky minute of it, but buck up and know that a bit of growing and some good rain will wash it down inside you where it will do some good and you will arise triumphant and, hopefully, completely seeing the reason and growth.  But even if you don’t understand it, you should still be grateful knowing that God was working.

This brings up another good point. (Will I ever end?) haha… When I was 17 I had a dreadful car accident.  I was sure I would die but obviously I didn’t; I pulled through just fine.  I spent nearly a week in the hospital recovering – mostly waiting for my bowels to move so the doctors knew they worked!  When the doctors let me go home, my sister Mary came to get me.  Before that time, Mary and I didn’t like each other so much.  Before me, she was the only girl and the baby and very happy.  She didn’t want any more siblings and was not thrilled when I came along.  My car accident must have done something to her because she was a bit nicer to me from then on.  We actually became friends and I enjoyed a lot of good times and great laughs with her after that.  I am sure that, if it were not for my car accident, we would have never been as close.  Mary died two years ago in a car accident.  Do you know how much regret would fill me if we were not the friends we had grown to be?  So was my totaled car, my hurt body parts, and my emotional trauma from my car accident at 17 worth the wonderful relationship and eternal memories with my sister?  OH YEAH!  So bring on the poop because you know what?? It ALWAYS has a purpose, even if we dont understand it! 🙂

*hug* Love you lots.  Hope this helps.

Super Mom – feeling especially super tonight. :)  Maybe not so much in the morning though. :