Have you ever really wanted something deep within you? Not the impulsive “I want this” we often feel randomly and suddenly. No that deep sense of “I HAVE TO HAVE THIS NOW” feeling; its almost a lustful desire for something, be it love, sex, food, or SUGAR. I am finding that sugar had more a hold on my body than I realized.
Yesterday (day three) began great. It was tough to wake up but once awake I felt pretty great. I ate my “meal” and got busy getting ready for my super busy Tuesday. My Tuesdays are the busiest days of the week. The day begins with a family breakfast then everyone parts to get dressed to leave. We leave promptly at 8 (most days) and arrive at Daddy’s office around 8:30 or so. Ladies Bible class and kiddos play time begins at 9:30 which leaves us an hour to fool around and chat with people at the church building. Ladies Bible class runs until about 11:30 at which point the kids and I eat lunch (almost always something from home). After lunch Cassie has preschool from 12:30 until 2:45. Once she is picked up we all have afternoon snack together. After snack time I have to find something to do until dinner. This is always something different but it usually includes car waiting time in which Wren is asleep in the car and Cassie and I just sit in the front and talk while the car is parked somewhere, often the grocery store. At 6:30 Daddy needs to be picked up (since we currently only have one car) and then he and I have to eat dinner at some point. We all go home, get the kiddos ready for bed and then we eat dinner somewhere around 7:30 or 8. I try to make it a light dinner since its so late. We watch T.V. together and cuddle then its off to bed.
But this Tuesday was much different. The morning was the same except when I arrive at Ladies Bible Class (LBC) there awaited a tantalizing array of temptations. We always have a nice snack during LBC provided by one of the attendees and its usually something good and often something sweet. This particular day it was homemade two-layer lemon cake with some sort of gooey filling and creamy icing, honey dew and pineapple and lastly some sort of custard. Hello, God, this is Maggie calling in extreme distress due to excessive temptation, HELP!!! Did he answer? Of course, always! As everyone else was surrounding me with “mmm” and “ooo” sounds because the food tasted so good, I searched the room for someone to talk to. My eyes fell upon a familiar wrapping paper that a lady was holding in her hand. She was unwrapping a bar just like the ones I eat on my program! What a God-send! I asked her if she was on the Take Shape for Life program and she said she was. I sat next to her and drowned out the noisy eaters with our conversation. I told her how tempting this meal was and she shook her head, shrugged and took a bite of her bar then said, “I love lemon cake but its alright.” I asked her how much she had lost, "57 lbs since September”. Suddenly the desire for sweets left me. I remembered why I was on the diet in the first place. The desire for sweets was replaced by something different: determination, nausea and dizziness. What? Why did I feel so awful? I had eaten my own bar about on time (2 hrs 30 mins after the previous “meal”) so why did I feel so bad. In a bit of a panic (I hate throwing up) I called the clinic and explained my symptoms to Leah who has been helping me with the diet. She said she would talk to Dr. L and then call me back. Once she called back she explained that it sounded like I was catering because of lack of sugar and if it got worse I need to come in to be checked. As the day progressed I felt much worse. By 12:45 I was in the grocery store with Serenity while waiting for Cassie’s class to finish. I felt nauseous, dizzy, light headed, and felt like passing out. I called my husband at the office and told him how I felt. He arranged for me to come in at 1:40 and I finished shopping feeling quite disoriented. Dr. L examined me during my visit. He said, due to my symptoms, it sounds like before beginning the diet I was more addicted to sugar than I realized and may have been diabetic or pre-diabetic. He checked me out thoroughly and said I should be fine if I just stick with the diet and make sure to eat a often enough.
When I left the office to go get Cassie I still felt pretty bad. The rest of the day I felt pretty rotten and didn’t get to sleep until 12:30 AM or so, which is why I didn’t post all this yesterday.
So my lust for sugar has gotten me no where good. Sure my taste buds have been treated to amazing sugary treats, often made by yours truly, but what has it done to me? Left me in shambles with my body falling apart at the young age of 27. Did sugar do this to me? Mostly yes but I did choose to eat the sugar. Are you addicted to something?
Swiss Mocha shake – hoping for a pick-me-up
fruit and nut crunch bar
Chocolate shake – YUCK. It wasn’t awful but it wasn’t something I would want to buy if I weren’t on a diet. It definitely wants as yummy as many of the other products
Oatmeal raisin crunch bar
Lean and Green – I had the same tomato basil pizza patty on salad that I have had before.
Strawberry shake – it was alright but would have been better frozen like ice cream. Not as bad as the chocolate.
So Tuesday ended with me concluding:
If “Early to bed, Early to rise makes you Healthy, Wealthy and Wise”
”Late to Bed and Late to Rise makes you UNHealthy, Poor and UNWise!”
Hopefully I can master the former rule and leave behind the latter.
As for family life:
Serenity is a terrific two year old and I love her dearly. It is a good thing I do because lately she has been trying my patience by saying “no” to everything I ask of her. “Come here!” I say, “no” se says. It is not a matter of her not understanding what no means, nor is it that she loves the way no sounds and just wants to say it. She turns her head to the side and looks at me sideways with a look in her eye that says, “what are you going to do about it, Lady?” Don’t try to tell me that kids don’t play mind games because they do! Kids love games and they are way smarter than people give them credit for. So I am learning more patience and learning to respond lovingly without yelling as I sometimes feel like screaming and ripping all my hair out with about the sixth “no” I hear in the day. Its alright though because (since well before this diet) I have been losing my hair like an old dead cat! Hopefully the diet will stop that symptom too.
As for Cassie, she is doing very well. She was excited about the idea of e-mail but now that she has it she doesn’t want to do the “work” to read them and then reply. She does enjoy typing though and LOVE to “paint” and color on the computer. I’m hoping to find some inexpensive but valuable computer games for her to play. I played Reader Rabbit as a kid. Do you remember that game?? It was AWESOME!! It was one of those kids games that was so fun I didn’t realize I was learning. Games like that are the best because kids WANT to play them but they are learning too. Its like a yummy tasting healthy meal – they are eating healthy but don’t know or care because it tastes good.
Lastly, but not least, Presten: He is doing rather well. I have been proud of how he’s been reading his Bible nearly every day and doing a blog about “what he learned”. It has been hard for him to stick with it. How funny it is that we value the Bible so much yet find it so hard to make ourselves read it daily. I believe it is similar to eating healthy: we know we should but the idea of doing so is unappealing, even though when I finally do eat healthy I love the taste and enjoy how I feel.
I know these posts are a bit long. Someone commented that I should write shorter notes because otherwise I lose my readers before the end. Perhaps this is true but I really don’t write these blogs to rivet my readers. These blogs are partially for me so that I can look back and see my own words speaking to me instead of someone else’s words. Also so that someday perhaps my kids can read them and learn a little about my personality and what I went through. I also do write so that I can teach others what I have learned but this is not so important that I am going to leave things out for fear of lengthiness. Perhaps my posts are long but they are full of meaning and purpose to me. If someone cannot find the meaning or purpose then they don’t have to read my blog. Simple.
This concludes my TUESDAY post which I was too busy to pose yesterday.