Our Desires vs. God’s Will

When Cassie asks me for ice cream (or anything else that she doesn’t need) many thoughts go through my mind.  Thoughts such as: what time of day is it? Will ice cream stir her up too much and effect her upcoming sleep?  How much has she already eaten? Has she made too many poor choices today (wouldn’t want to enforce bad behavior with rewards)?

Now sometimes I just give her the ice cream because I love her, I know she likes it and one time of spoiling is no big deal. But most of the time I consider her well-being and do what is best for her in the long term rather than in the moment.  I take parenting my children very seriously (some might say too seriously) and while ice cream may not seem like something that can destroy a child, a long term unhealthy diet can.  I think most of us have one or two problems caused directly by our parents mistakes or poor choices and I try my best to avoid as many of those as possible though I do know I cannot be perfect.

I believe that such thoughts are one Gods mind, so to speak, when we make requests of him.  Take my more recent request for a car, for example.  We prayed and prayed for God to grant us a second car to make it possible for me to get out during the week.  We tried securing a second loan (so we could trade in our existing car for two, lesser expensive cars).  We even tried asking around and talking to fellow church family members looking for a reputable sale.  Nothing…  I began to get frustrated with God and say to Him, “What’s the deal!?  I may not totally need this car but it sure would help my weekly sanity!  So why not grant it to me, God??”  I had all but given up hope when I complained to Presten’s mom about the situation.  Shortly thereafter she emailed Presten saying she would gift her car to us – for free!  Now imagine if God has said yes to the loan or the purchase of a second car?  God KNEW we would get a “free” car if we were just patient.  So He was not saying “no” he was saying “wait” but to us they so often look the same, don’t they?

So here I am again on my knees at the feet of my father begging Him for peace of mind in the form of a house.  We live in a nice apartment and we really don’t need to move.  In fact that is the whole reason we went with this apt – so we would be comfortable staying long term.  But we are currently paying $1200 a month and I really believe for that price we could be in a rent house, which would feel so much more semi-permanent.  We cannot afford a house right now and aren’t stupid enough to try when we cannot afford it.  But we have moved every year of Cassie’s life!  She has lived in a new place every birthday and I really want to break that trend (by moving, of course).  i have never put up pictures on the wall or decorated a place because I knew that each move was not permanent.  None of them have felt right, you know?  I love this area where we are now and our apt is comfortable but surely an apt is not permanent.  I just want our children to feel at home.

Then again I moved a lot when I was a kid and I don’t think it damaged me too much.  The house my parents live in now is where I “grew up” and it is the place I call home (other than where my husband and children are), even though my family did not move into that house until I was near 13!  So I guess if my kids don’t have a really more permanent home until they are older it will be alright…

I’m still holding out that God is just saying “wait”.

xox

[See Proverbs 16:9; 19:21]

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