Slow Going

So last week I didn’t post much because Presten’s dad was in town.  I am so used to posting at night or mid-day and both time were being spent with him.  We got in late every night and I just felt exhausted.

Last week was a bit of a rough week. The days went so slow and we didn’t get home until 9 and then we needed time to just be together after the kids went to bed so almost every night we were awake until 12 or 1.  It led us to committing to go to bed early this week.  We need the rest and sleep.  It’s not the insomnia – thank God that is pretty much gone – but it was a self-induced insomnia, created by a need for time together.

So I think my biggest lesson learned last week was, “its not worth it”.  I spent a bit of time explaining this meal plan I am on and how it works to Presten’s Dad, Henry.  I’m not sure he got it or would ever want to do it despite his need, but to each his own…  I learned though that it isn’t worth it to cheat on this diet all for the sake of a moments taste.

When you put food in your mouth the flavor and taste lasts mere minutes and then your food is mush and you must swallow.  In order to feel enjoy your food again you must take another bite.  This, I believe, is what leads to obesity.  Lets take me for example:  I love sweets – and not just any; I am quite picky.  I love to bake my own goods.  When I take a bite of a fresh-baked cookie it tastes so good in my mouth as I chew it.  It is warm and sweet gooey goodness.  Then I finish chewing and it is swallowed and gone.  How then can I re-live this amazing yummy goodness?  More cookies, more bites, more chewing and unfortunately more swallowing!  So I keep eating, soon consuming the entire batch of 24 or more cookies and of course more than a days worth of sugar, fat and calories.  But are my taste buds satisfied? Nope.  I want more.  Then the choice: bake more cookies now or wait until later or tomorrow.  Well fortunately my stomach comes into play and tells my brain that it has had enough sugar and is considering giving some of it back, my stomach churns and I feel nauseous.  Then the choices change: throw up or lay down.  As the sugar digests my blood sugar becomes a rapid roller coaster – first spiking up with the cookies and then flying down with the digestion.  I feel sick and for what?  Happy taste buds?

Now I don’t always allow myself to lose control this badly but I must admit that before beginning this diet I always over-ate.  I would eat two or more servings of whatever we were having, especially if it was pasta (yum!), and it was somewhat often that I would indulge in the above ritual of taste bud pleasing cookie eating.  I never ate “just enough” and rarely ate as I should.  Sure I ate a bit healthier than some – eating more veggies and less junk food.  You would rarely find chips or soda in our house and it was once every 2 weeks or so that I would buy ice cream.  I didn’t buy junk food so we didn’t eat it.  We didn’t eat much pizza – maybe once a week or less – and I tried to evaluate the nutritional value of every food I bought.  However, unless you eat nothing but fresh veggies all the time, more than one serving will likely make you fat.  Even veggie pizza is pizza and fattening!  But my taste buds are never satisfied and some part of my brain was always hungry.

So back to my lesson: its not worth it.  Recently I purchased “goldfish” in an attempt to have a not-so-bad quick and easy snack for my kiddos.  I never realized how good they smell until I had gone so long without them.  Now along with sweets I love bread, crackers and especially crackers with cheese. (Cheese, Grommit!!)  I never realized how tempting a large box of goldfish could be.  Sure I ate them sometimes with the kids before but was never overly tempted to eat the whole box.  But now, full into this diet and far removed from the last time I ate goldfish, cheese, crackers or bread, I am finding myself desiring to cheat.  I imagine myself running off with the box of goldfish during nap time, locking myself in a closet and eating the whole box.  What a sad picture indeed!  But my self control kicks in and I give them crackers without eating too many.  Yes, too many.  Each time I have served the kids – well almost every time – I have given in to the wonderful smell of cheese crackers.  This may not seem like a big deal to you and for you it would not be a big deal.  But being on a meal plan that is so strict in fat, sugar, carbs and calorie intake I must be careful to not go overboard.  Well goldfish aren’t exactly low-fat, low-sugar or low-carb.  And goldfish aren’t the only way I have been cheating lately.

Henry (Presten’s dad) took us out to eat several times while he was here.  It was a nice break from cooking as I am the only grown-up chef in our house.  But alas there are very few restaurants that pay any attention to calories, fat, sugar or carbs.  They just don’t care.  Even the restaurants who serve “low carb” options aren’t paying any attention to the other factors.  One restaurant served “under 550 calories” but did not mention how much fat, sugar or carbs they had.  Most of their choices were served with white rice or pasta, both of which are high carb and high sugar (not so good for a diabetic!).  So we had a very tough time finding places to eat.  Poor Henry ended up eating at Chipotle’s with us most of the time.  I could get a salad with a bit of meat and have my “Lean and Green” meal out.  The only problem is that they didn’t have many options for veggies so I ended up getting lots of lettuce, pico de gallo, and avocado (of course I also got sour cream and cheese too, shhhh).  So I broke my diet a bit all week long with the avocado, sour cream, cheese, oh and the honey-chipotle dressing, too.  But the salad was oh so good.  I could eat it every day, I think, and not get tired of it!!

So last week with all the eating out, cheating with goldfish, and staying up late my diet was very thrown off.  So yet again I have a new beginning.  I bet other people don’t have as much trouble as me on this diet.  I’m learning a lot about myself though and as my physical body is shrinking the rest of me is growing.  Hopefully it wont take me too long to get down to where I want to be.  My humongo hips and thighs are still too big and they are what I am working on now.  It’ll take a lot of resisting temptation, exercise, water and eating right. God help me!

xox

One thought on “Slow Going

  1. Purpose: Dad came to deliver and gift you with the Ford SUV – loaded with boxes and boxes of gifts for everyone. We wanted it to be a break for you so he provided all meals wherever for whatever you wanted, and stayed in a hotel. He loved his time with yall and especially with the grandgirls (some would call it baby sitting but it was just a joyful time – time much cherished with all of you – something distance does not allow.) We hope you enjoy the car and the gifts. We miss and love you all. Mom

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