Do I surrender ALL?

I think sometimes that I have surrendered all I am and all I have to God.  Perhaps I even sing that old hymn “I surrender all” with feeling and honesty.  Then the Lord takes something away – like the unexpected death of a beloved family member.  Or perhaps it is the loss of a job, only to find a new one in a place I would never choose to move to.  Then I realize perhaps this is the true surrender: to find peace when God moves in mysterious yet uncomfortable ways.

There is this awesome song called “Strong Enough”.  Here are the basic lyrics (minus repetition).

You must think I’m strong to give me what I’m going through. Well, forgive me if I’m wrong, but this looks like more than I can do on my own.

I know I’m not strong enough to be everything that I’m supposed to be. I give up; I’m not strong enough.  Hands of mercy won’t you cover me. Lord, right now I’m asking you to be strong enough for the both of us.

Well, maybe that’s the point – to reach the point of giving up – because when I’m finally at rock bottom, well, that’s when I start looking up and reaching out.

Because I’m broken down to nothing but I’m still holding on to one thing: You are God and you are strong when I am weak.

“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” I don’t have to be strong enough.

I know I’m not strong enough to be everything that I’m supposed to be. I give up; I’m not strong enough. Hands of mercy won’t you cover me. Lord, right now I’m asking you to be strong enough for the both of us.

Some might say I had a “bi-polar episode” or perhaps a “nervous breakdown”.  I call it “the time Mommy went totally crazy and was glad the kiddos weren’t there to witness it all.”  Never in my life had I been so out of control – forced to surrender to God.  As a “good Christian girl” I had never done drugs or gotten so drunk I was out of control. But that night the combination of lack of sleep, lack of consistent nourishment and little to no water intake, plus the sleeping pills I took — along with the tequila I drank to hopefully make me sleep (how is that for being candid?) made me more than a little loopy and completely out of control. (Yes I know, looking back, the whole thing was stupid.) The doctors said that the lack of sleep and lack of nutritious food were the larger culprits and that this breakdown was bound to happen at some point.  I was so glad to be with someone I trusted completely that night.  Anything was possible.  Tequila is bad.  Don’t ever drink it! Smile with tongue out

Now here I am living next door to my in-laws, a situation that would likely put many people more at risk of a breakdown but this time it is a blessing.  At first I wondered if they were just getting a son and grandkids and I was part of the package. But they have proved to me with their complete acceptance, love, compassion and generosity that they truly do care about me.

Even so.  My husband has no salaried job (again), and has opened up practice for himself – which is good but makes me feel insecure.  Sure we are blessed with plenty of clothing, food on the table and a roof over our head, not to mention all our crucial bills paid.  But I still feel uneasy and anxious if I do not keep reminding myself to continually surrender, especially when the anxiety creeps in and the fears start to ramble through my inner dialogue.

So I am left again with my need to surrender all to Christ.  I love the song “Great is thy faithfulness.”  I rewrote it with more modern language.

Great is your faithfulness, oh God my father.
There is no shadow of turning with you.
You never change, and your compassion never fails me.
As you have been, you will always be.

Great is your faithfulness,
Great is your faithfulness.
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed your hand has provided.
Great is your faithfulness, Lord, unto me.

Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
Sun. Moon and Stars in their courses above,
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To your great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Great is your faithfulness,
Great is your faithfulness.
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed your hand has provided.
Great is your faithfulness, Lord, unto me.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endure.
Your own dear presence to cheer and to guide.
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow.
Blessings all mine with ten thousand beside.

Great is your faithfulness,
Great is your faithfulness.
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed your hand has provided.
Great is your faithfulness, Lord, unto me.

This song brings me so much peace.  God is faithful.  Each day brings new mercies – new challenges that are overcome quickly by God’s doing.  All I have God has provided.  He has pardoned me from my sins, strengthening me each day to face every challenge. And I know every night as I lay my head on my pillow that He will still be there tomorrow to do it all over again!  What a blessing!

So when I feel unable to surrender, or unable to just let it all go, I remind myself that God’s faithfulness is great and He is ever-present to guide me through each struggle.  Letting go is the only true way I can open myself to His help and guidance.

So surrender all and feel his peace and see his faithfulness!

Lots of Love,
Super Momma Maggie

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s