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Let’s do this… NOW!

Get it done now or it might not get done!!

So I began on a new and amazing adventure with 20 – 30 some people which turned into about 16 to 18 people. I have joined the ranks of Massage Therapy students!! I am super excited to begin this journey. This however brings up a very pertinent subject: PRIORITIES!! I was never one to prioritize well until I began this education experience. Now I find myself much more organized and it is an ever-evolving process to prioritize properly.

A bit about Massage Therapy School:  Massage therapy school is generally around 500 hours of education as well as hours in the clinic working on people after the initial education of how-to. I am in the how-to phase right now but by mid to late January I will be working with real clients in the clinic. While I feel excited I still feel unprepared. BUT I have a long way to go still. (Below is what I am learning…)

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Priories, yes… If I do not prioritize some things to not get done. I am attending school every day from 9 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. However, the school is about 30 minutes away and I always have to leave at least an hour earlier than that JUST IN CASE of bad traffic so I leave about 7-ish and get home about 6 to 6:30. WHEW! It is a full day of MT school. And when I get home I feel exhausted most days, especially when I get up at 3 a.m. like I did today!! *sigh* Please understand that I am not intending to whine or complain. I LOVE GOING TO THIS SCHOOL! I am really enjoying massage therapy school!!!!!!!!! (cannot put enough exclamation marks!) I am excited to begin this new chapter in my life.

What I am saying is if I do not prioritize some things do not get done. I already said that… Well it is so true! I have discovered that when I arrive home, since I do feel beat, I often want to just chill (usually alone) which is not conducive to the life I have. While some of the other students do not have husbands or children or either, I have both. And two dogs… and a rabbit. So my house is a bit of a zoo when I get home with everyone literally pawing at me to get my attention. The dogs jump up and wag their tails hoping for lovies, the kids run to me for hugs and kisses and right now my mother (AND AMAZING WOMAN) is living with me and after the long day of taking care of the kids she is also beat and needs a break. So if I don’t pull myself together before I arrive home then I struggle.

The struggle is real, people! I am learning what to put first and what can go on the back burner and what should and should not go on the back burner! So y’all have been unintentionally put aside – not brushed aside mind you — just set aside for a bit while I figure out this thing called LIFE.

Thank you for your patience in me not posting so often. I appreciate my followers and am grateful to be spreading the love as I am able!

May you be blessed today and always!

Maggie A. ‘Spoon
Super Mama

Food Lies

You cannot see a movie without popcorn… and a drink… and CANDY! Especially, if you are under the age of 99, must have candy! But what if food lies?

You cannot see a movie without popcorn… and a drink… and CANDY! Especially, if you are under the age of 99, must have candy!

 

Oh! And when you are out, make sure you notice that “HOT FRESH” sign at the Krispy Kreme Donut shop, and you must pick some up (and eat at least half a dozen while they are still hot and fresh)! Perhaps afterward, grab a quick bite at your favorite fast-food (or should I say fat-food) restaurant — with a soda of course!

Food is everywhere and one must have it with everyone it seems. When I go to a get-together it seems we must surround ourselves with food (or at least a somewhat overpriced hot beverage). Why must food be involved with my social life?

Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I am the only one who feels like my life revolves around food, but I doubt I am alone. When I am almost finished eating a meal, I find myself thinking about the next meal. What will I eat? Where will I find this delicious food? What type of food do I want anyway? Mexican? Asian? American? Home cooked or eat out? So many choices and rarely do I make the best ones. I often find myself sitting in front of something I will regret eating later.

The hardest part of it all is

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I actually think “love” is the right word there. No, I would not equate my love for food with my love for God or my family, but I might say, “I love food as much as I love my dog.” And I really love my dog!

Why is this that my taste buds rule my life? Why? Am I a victim of my taste buds? Do I cause my taste buds to control me? Or do I allow them to control me? Obviously, I allow it, but it makes me a victim of my harsh reality that food rules my life. Thinking about food, then eating food, then thinking about more food… it is a never-ending, viscous cycle of food and it has made me fat!

I admit, my choices have caused my body to be overweight. I know you wouldn’t believe me if I told you my secret, but it’s true. I am 100 lbs overweight. People hear me when I say that, but when they look at me, they don’t believe me. In the spring of 2010, when I was 27, I weighed 155 lbs and felt amazing. I could hike miles and miles without trouble. I could climb what I would call mountains (to a Texan anyway) but they were just really, really big hills and it was tough, but I did it. I did an event called Wild Canyon Games and it was a totally awesome experience!! We didn’t win *grumble grumble* but I had fun and I COULD TOTALLY DO IT! Now? I will be transparent. I weigh 260 lbs, feel miserable, and do not like what I see in the mirror.

The fact is that food lies! Food tells us it is yummy, edible and worth eating, no matter what we are considering. Our own taste buds and brains lie to us. After I eat more than enough food I still feel “hungry” for more. I have learned my taste buds and brain love food as much as I do and they are more than willing to keep eating more and more! Eating food makes us feel good. I think the worst part of food is what we eat will possibly love us forever, and ever, and ever by sticking to our hips, our waist, our gut, and anywhere else the fat and food desire to stick!

I should perhaps have said this sooner but I would like to say it now. Being “fluffy,” “chunky,” or whatever you wish to call it can be fine if you feel comfortable with your body. Some people come to peace with the way they are shaped, built, or sized. But I know me. I know my body’s abilities and once you know what you are capable of, is it easy to live with what you have become?

Now that I know I can hike, climb, and run fast, far and have a lot of fun doing all those things, I want it all back! I miss that life. I miss that me. And the only difference between she and me is that she ate healthy. No popcorn or soda or candy at movies. No hot fresh donuts. No junk!

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That may sound like hell to you – going without the foods you enjoy. But for me, I choose health and wellness (and therefore small boobs – yeah I said it!) over food! I CHOOSE the me I want to be!

May you ever choose wisely and flick that demon off the one shoulder while listening to the so-called angel on the other! Live smart.

Be blessed!

Maggie A. ‘Spoon

The truth is out there

Ever had someone post something on social media and it sounds so ridiculous that you immediately dismiss it? Or perhaps you’re like me and you look up relevant research and such to find the facts. Either way, the truth is out there. Yes some things are just opinion but what if there is just a right and wrong? What if there is just fact and fiction?

I guess I think about this the most when my beliefs are challenged. I admit that sometimes when I am challenged I dig in my heels, get a little frustrated and stand my ground. But about half the time I do look at myself in the mirror and question where I stand. Am I wrong?

I don’t do this because I am insecure but rather because I want to make certain I don’t just follow the crowd of lemmings. I am always seeking to grow and change. I want to be the best me I can be, and that includes my belief systems.

My dad always told me not to believe anything or anyone at first but rather research, study and find the truth because the truth is out there.

No, my truth may not align with yours. That is when we must both step back and do some self reflection. We must do some self study and actually listen to the other person and consider their POV. Are they the one with the accurate belief system?

I hope you find the truth in all areas of your life. Be blessed.

Sincerely,

Maggie A. ‘Spoon

Contentment vs. Dissatisfaction

This helped me realize the path to true contentment. I found this journal post on my computer and expanded on it. Enjoy!

This helped me realize the path to true contentment.

I looked at my children as we sat enjoying some under-ripe watermelon and I considered people who have lost their children. I thought of how it would be to never hold my dear babies again, to never kiss their sweet faces and see their smile, or to never hear them randomly say “I love you” again. My heart ached for those people who have lost their loved ones.

Then suddenly it dawned on me. All my life, from the time I was a little girl, all I ever wanted was to get married to an amazing Christian man and have amazing children.  I prayed and prayed about my man. I obsessively talked to God often – perhaps a little too much — about what I wanted in a husband.  I am sure had God been human He would have complained long ago that I rambled about the subject. I would talk of what I needed in a father for my sweet children. I would talk to God about my desires for spending time with my children. But it suddenly hit me. I thought to myself, “Maggie you are here. You have arrived!”

If all I ever wanted was to have these two things I hold dear and now I have them, why am I not the happiest woman in the world?  I fulfilled my life-long dream at the age of twenty-one; few people experience such a feat! Was it because my desires changed? Was it because I was not as prepared for marriage or motherhood as I thought I was? Was it perhaps because my expectations of parenthood and marriage were vastly different than reality? All the above I am sure have affected my view of happiness.

Perhaps, however, it is something deeper? I think the issue is my belief that anything in this life could ever bring me complete satisfaction. I believed if I could get a husband, and get children than I would be happy.  Then I would think “if only he would… x… I will be happy,” or “if only my kids would… x… I will be happy.”  Then, of course, I would sometimes fall into the silly thinking many American’s struggle with,  “If only I had this or that then I will be happy.”

These are all lies that Satan has helped perpetuate in our society. Happiness is fleeting but true joy is to be cherished. It is my experience and understanding that true Joy in the heart only comes from Heaven and the blessings God has given us and this joy is eternal.

Paul said in Phil. that he learned the “secret” to being content.  Contentment is defined as: “pleased and/or satisfied; not needing more; free from care or discomfort.”

In Phillipians 4:12-13 Paul says, “12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret to begin content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.”

(Philippians 4:13 is often quoted, but when paired with verse 12 and seen in context, it takes on more meaning and is, in my opinion, even more powerful.)

The secret to Paul’s contentment was a choice to believe firmly that he could do all things through Christ who gives him strength.  It was a choice.  Paul could have easily focused on the thorn in his side, vaguely mentioned a few times.  He could have focused on the martyr he had become and his frequent prison stays for no true crime.  He could have focused on the fact that Jesus stirred up passion in him and then was not physically present.

But I am certain what Paul focused on, from reading his letters, is though he had a thorn in his side, it reminded him of his humanity and the thorn was a blessing. (See 2 Corinthians 12:7-10)

Though he spent time in prison, they could never take away his salvation or stop him from believing with all his heart.

And I am certain he focused on the fact that even though Jesus was not physically present with him, HE WILL RETURN, and he believed Jesus left earth for Heaven.

You see, Paul truly knew the meaning of “bloom where you are planted” a quote I have chosen to embrace. Paul knew God was with Him in each situation he found himself in.

Today, I choose to “bloom where I am planted” and to embrace the fact that I have all I need to be who I need to be.  I may “get” more “stuff,” and God may even bless me with more children or other meaningful events in life. However, NOW is all I can focus on.  I can turn my “can’ts into cans and dreams into plans,” but in reality without God, it would be meaningless.

Though I am certain some might not agree, I have found in my life that even my marriage and my motherhood does not bring me inner peace and satisfaction without God being a part of it.

Having God intimately involved in my life brings me peace and true hope which lasts and becomes reality. I find myself giving it all to Him because, I believe, while I can do my best to affect my future, it is God who really has it all figured out.

May you be blessed today and always,

Maggie A. ‘Spoon

(I found this lost in my “blog ideas” folder. It was written on 5/22/2013. So much has changed for me since then, but this all still rings true. Though I edited it a bit and added a little on, this is pretty much what I wrote.)

101…Just a little slow.

I am still around just moving slow…

This marks my 101st blog post since I began.

I am here, just a little slow! I am doing better since the loss of  my bother — I have good days and bad. But I wanted to let you know how I am doing and that I am still here and planning to blog as much as I am able. I am in NC with Wren and my parents (Cassie, my oldest, visited my parents earlier in the summer by herself). It is some good down-time and I am enjoying spending time with some of my favorite people in one of my favorite places.

I feel like I haven’t blogged in forever. Life has been crazy busy – as I know many lives are. But, hey, if I can find time for Facebook, I can find time to blog instead. I enjoy blogging – sharing my life with others and hopefully helping someone. I have had some good verbal comments that are very appreciated. So, I will keep blogging on to help at least one.

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I’ve blogged about this before but let me summarize:  I took out the try because I feel like everyone CAN make SOME kind of difference in someone else’s life, and we should all try our best to be our best self. I cannot be any better than my best. But truly, if I am honest with myself I am never perfect and, therefore, there is always more to squeeze out of me. It takes commitment, effort, dedication, devotion, and self-discipline.

This means I can push myself past what I comfortably feel is my best and find more within myself than I thought I had. Just something to ponder.

Well anyhow… I intend to blog while I am in NC but we will see. I have Dennis’s memorial to attend on the weekend of August the 5th so if you are a praying person, please keep me in your prayers.

May you be blessed today and always!

Maggie A. ‘Spoon

True Colors

True Colors – this one was tough for me. I had to get it out though. I hope you understand where I am coming from.

Preface: My brother was a genius, but like every other human was not without his faults, hang-ups, problems, and things that irritate others. I wrote this letter to him but never sent it, and now he is dead, out of my life… for what will feel like forever. I was reluctant to post this but I felt a need to do so.

I found this amazing version of the song “True Colors” by a group named “Groove For Thought.”  I was inspired to search for it because I love to find A Capella versions of songs and my brother, Dennis, had said that the song “True Colors” reminded him of me.

Dear Dennis,

The last words from your proverbial mouth through your emails were unkind, uncaring, and devoid of love but not lacking in emotion. You even went as far as to say even if I needed to be hospitalized again, do not bother calling because you weren’t there for me anymore. It hurt so bad because I thought we had made up our struggles and disagreements. I was so hoping we could still be friends. But when you sent that final nasty email to me, my dear husband had no other recourse of action but to cut you out of my life until you could come to realize your part in our disagreements and apologize for your part. He knew you were doing more harm than good. Therefore, he told you to contact him before contacting me. Nothing was heard from you and I feel sad.

The song “True Colors” came on and it made me think of you for two reasons: 1) you said that song reminded you of me, and 2) I want to show you my true colors.

I may have “sad eyes” and may not smile as often as I should. I often feel discouraged when the world is full of people who misunderstand me. Sometimes the darkness inside me makes me feel so small. Sometimes this world makes me feel crazy because it is more than I can bear. But my true colors are much like a rainbow.

Red – I am full of love. I do my very best to show the love of Christ to others and though I know I fail sometimes, I hope the love still shines through the clouds in my life.

Orange – I show caution with trusting others sometimes because I have been hurt by those closest to me. People I should have been able to trust with my very life have stabbed me in the back and caused me extreme pain.

Yellow – When I do smile, it is genuine. I don’t always feel happy. But when I do, I make sure it shows. And even when I don’t feel happy, I do my best to still smile a little and extend kindness in an effort to lift up others.

Green – I am always growing. I refuse to be someone who is stagnant like an old marsh. No. I am continually growing and changing to become someone better; more like Christ. I work hard at this and though I may fail, I am learning to extend grace to myself.

Blue – I have sorrow and sadness and blue days just like everyone else. But I don’t let myself get stuck there. I let the clouds pass and eventually the sun shines through. And when it does, I let my smile show and I embrace those moments of happiness.

Indigo – the darkness inside can be so smothering… but it isn’t without purpose. God, I know, does work out things for good and I can be a part of that “Working out” by doing my best to do the Lord’s will in my life and affect others for Christ.

Violet – I have scars and old wounds and bruises. I am not without past hurts and I am sure future hurts will occur. But I don’t focus on the hurts to come. I focus on what those scars mean to me. They mean I am an overcomer.

I am an overcomer. I am continually working to overcome many past hurts, pains, struggles, trials, and tests. And as I continue to grow, I pray for you. Prayer is all I have for you at this point. I cannot reach out to you. My husband has instructed me to let you be until you reach out to him. Additionally, after such an awful email I feel like you do owe me an apology. It really hurt. Not really because it rang true but because you did what you know how to do – you sent zingers. You hit me in the spots you knew were soft. How could you bring up Mary? She is dead. I cannot make amends with her or anything she has said or done.

But I don’t want this bridge to be burned. Our relationship is valuable to me, so I am in prayer for you. God bless you.

Dear God,

Forgive me for any wrong doing in my relationship with Dennis. May I do what is right in your eyes.

Forgive him for his unkind words and actions. May he see himself through your eyes – someone you love and care for – and also see his flaws and desire to change them. May he be repentant and also forgiving.


I believe Dennis, if he were at his best, would not have said what he said. I choose to believe in his heart of hearts he loved me. That is what I choose to hold on to – the love he had for me in his heart and the good times we did have.

There are many hard parts about this loss as compared to the other losses in my life. My sister died in 2007, but honestly this death is so different from hers but not any less significant. The differences are that I got to say goodbye to my sister. We were moving from NC to OR and she came to say goodbye to me; we hugged and cried a little and I felt her love. I felt no such love from Dennis in the final moments I spent with him and I certainly didn’t get to say goodbye in any good form. The pain of losing them both cannot be compared but as it has been 10 years since my sister died and I feel more peace. With Dennis, I feel so much hurt that sometimes it overcomes me and I literally feel like sorrow is sitting on my chest like an elephant sitting on a peanut and I am being crushed by the overwhelming sense of loss.

I didn’t just lose a brother or a friend. I lost a future with Dennis. I will experience Heaven with him but nothing more on this earth. That hurts something awful as well.

In all this I have learned many things; much of which I have already shared in previous blogs. I hope you go back and read them and glean some sort of knowledge or wisdom that helps you keep from making mistakes I have made or going through the same trials I have gone through.

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(Note: A gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger. Prov 15:1)

May he rest in peace and may I see him again but not too soon.

God bless you today and always.

Super Momma Maggie

This is a link to the song I am referring to: True Colors on YouTube

This is a link to the lyrics of the song: True Colors Lyrics

 

Transparency with Love

I am going to be completely transparent here and share my thoughts, feelings and lack of action. Enjoy the read!

I am going to be completely transparent here. I feel like Paul in scripture (Romans 7:14-25). I considered just quoting what he said, but he uses such language that I find myself getting lost in the verbiage and missing the meaning if I am not careful. Therefore, I read it again and again and decided to paraphrase. These are my words:

I know what I ought to do and what I ought not to do. But rather than doing the thing I know I ought to do, I do the thing I know I ought not to do, that is to sin. I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do not is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not what to do – this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not what to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members [or parts of my body].

The point of it all? I know what I should do – what is good and right and best. I know how to please the Lord with my actions, words, and deeds. God has blessed me with a lot of wisdom, but I feel like Solomon from scripture here. Solomon had so much wisdom and yet made mistake after mistake and it ruined him and his empire. I feel like I have a choice: to do what I ought to do, the things I know are best – the things that please the Lord and the things we are called to do in scripture. OR I can choose to let it go and just let things be as they are, just give up, basically.

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I must extend myself grace, as the Lord extends me grace. I must recognize that I am imperfect and always will be. But I hold myself to such ambitious standards – standards I could possibly never reach – and I expect these things from myself and extend no grace when I fail. I beat myself up and feel guilty. Sometimes this causes me to feel sleepy, because I just feel so emotionally awful inside, so I give in and sleep my life away.

What I am trying to say is I have a lot of good advice to give but:

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I think, I feel, but I do not do. I refuse to find myself to be a hypocrite. I will not express to my readers all this great advice and follow none of it myself. I will hold myself accountable for who I truly am.

I was once in a meeting where they asked us to come up with a purpose and mission statement, and recently I was instructed to come up with a chief aim (something I cannot explain very well).

My Purpose is, “To Live for God, making the most of each moment, loving and serving others as I go.”

My mission statement goes like this:

“I genuinely give life all I have and all I am.
I care deeply and intensely about each individual in my path.
I lead by example and am an example worth following.”

My chief aim is still a work in progress. It is supposed to be a short snippet that sums up the direction you want to go in life, or something like that -it is like your purpose summed up. So far, I have, “I live my life for God, serving him fearlessly in every area of my life.”  But I feel like that is too much like my purpose.

Then we were instructed to come up with how we were going to LIVE OUT our mission statement. Here is what I said:

I commit to life and individuals by doing the following:

I continually and completely Love God with all my heart, body, soul, mind, and strength, with enthusiasm and unfailing devotion.

I completely invest in my relationships and the direction they are going now.

I LOVE fully, deeply, with passion and emotional intelligence.

I am committed to enjoying life-altering relationships.

I push myself further beyond what I believe to be my “best self” every day and have integrity in this process.

Everybody fails. Everybody falters. But failing does not a failure make. Fail forward – which simply means to learn from your mistakes. Failure and mistakes make us fixer-uppers. (See this blog post: “Failure or Fixer-Upper”) Am I an example worth following? I do not know what others would say about me, but I feel like I do try to be such and my effort counts for something.

I will follow my purpose, mission statement, and chief aim to the best of my ability. I will be better today than I was yesterday and better tomorrow than I was today. I will grow and change every day for the better. This I commit to do consistently, but I also commit to extend myself grace and love to the extent that I know my Lord does.

So, in my transparency I say to you: Be your best. Do your best. But extend yourself grace. When you fall, get back up, dust off and hit it again, and again, and again.

There is a time and place for stopping something for various good reasons but when you find yourself making excuses for why you cannot do something that is a warning sign that you are giving up. At this point you must make a choice to let it go and give it up, or keep pushing on. There is a time and place for both.

I choose to hit it again and again until I am perfect, but extend myself grace. May you find it within yourself to do the same.

God bless you today and always.

Super Momma Maggie