Life is Worth Living

Is life worth living? We make it worth living by doing the works our Father set out for us to do and by who we become. Live loved. Love Life.

As someone who struggles with depression, I have also struggled with finding a reason to live. Life gives us so many reasons to desire death: struggles, hurts, suffering of so many kinds. I see them as things that make me long for heaven. There was a time when my hardships made me want to die so badly that I did try to kill myself… and failed. And not just once. This led me to wonder, what am I living for? Why won’t God let me die or take me? What makes life worth living?

When I had my first child, she gave me a reason to live—to care for her.  But there were days when that wasn’t enough to keep me from longing for heaven. Then my sister died and left behind four beautiful girls and a husband who loved her. And I should mention, I was about 6 months pregnant when she died. This experience floored me emotionally and psychologically. At the time, I was not properly medicated for my bi-polar disorder and anxiety, and it was all I could do to hold it together. Having a life growing inside of me kept me alive, because if I killed myself I killed her, too.

When the baby was born – my second daughter – we named her Serenity Elizabeth Joy (Serenity because, at the time, she was serene, Elizabeth after my sister, Mary Elizabeth, and Joy because we knew she would just bring the world joy (plus it sounded great with the other names, I admit.) At 18 months old, my dearest Serenity E. J. became the strong-willed, energetic, outgoing, and defiant child that she is today. I love that girl with every ounce of my being AND she is one of my greatest challenges. She tests my patience, tries my resolve, and consistently checks on my own consistency.

I must admit, there were days I have wondered, “Why me?” I would pray and ask the Lord, “Why did you give me this child who I find to be such a challenge??” I prayed this prayer for nine years until one day it hit me like a slap in the face. I am the only woman who could possible parent this child. That is not to say that if I did die in some accident God couldn’t raise up another person to care for her. In Esther 4:14 Mordecai tells Esther, “For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” This tells me that if I killed myself God could raise up another to care for her, but I believe she was given to me for a reason.

Scripture says in Ephesians 2:10, “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

I was placed here to do the works that God has prepared in advance for me to do.

And I am just now discovering what those “works” are. Being a wife, raising my children, homeschooling my children, writing the books that God has placed upon my heart, blogging to hopefully share some bit of wisdom that might help others, and (perhaps) I will go to massage therapy school to help others not only feel better but also get better.

All this and still there have been hardships. A week ago, I found out that my brother, Dennis, died tragically. He was very young – only 49. He had just had his birthday in May. I love all my siblings. Even so, for some reason, Dennis and I had some kind of special connection. There was a running family joke that we were twins separated at conception. He had a different mom who (as I mentioned in a previous blog) had died when he was young. Though Dennis and I had our struggles in our relationship, I always loved him deeply. If I were not properly medicated right now, I am not certain how I would have handled his death.

(I cannot stress enough how important it is to get help if you struggle with something – anxiety, depression, bi-polar, or just general inexpiable sadness. Doctors can help, and finding the right kind of help can mean the difference between life and suicide for many people. If you google how many people kill themselves each year you may find yourself feeling like perhaps you should reach out more. But I digress…)

I have realized though that if I wait for the perfect moment where everything is right in the world and thinking at that time I can live happily, perhaps then I will never truly live my life. I have found myself sleeping through the rough days sometimes – asking my amazing MIL to keep the kids. Or sometimes I have found myself floating – you know, just going through the motions but never really feeling any joy or happiness, sometimes feeling nothing at all.

This leads me to thinking how do I go about my life living it and not floating or sleeping through it? How do I experience life, allowing those experiences to shape me but not define me?  How do I live my life with happiness and experience the joy of the Lord on a regular basis?

The answer is so simple and yet so challenging for me to live out. The hardest part for me is that I have known it for years, believed it with all my heart, but struggle to feel it in my heart.

Philippians 4:4-9 says (my emphasis added):

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

(And this next part is the HOW I live my life with happiness and experience the joy of the Lord on a regular basis.)

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such thingsWhatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

That sums it all up in a pretty little package. Just read it again and DO IT. Then read it again, if you need to, and make a decision to do it. Make a decision to “think about such things,” to pray to the Lord asking for help, thanking Him for the good stuff and the bad stuff, and accept the peace that He extends to you.

The Friday, after finding out my brother was gone, I had a rough day. I was wallowing in my sorrows and feeling sorry for myself. I have that right in this situation, but it was affecting my parenting, how I was treating others, and how I felt about myself. I listened to a song (the lyrics aren’t perfect but the premise is good) and it made me realize I had to shake the devil off and LIVE MY LIFE.

So, I commit here and now before the friends and strangers that read my blog, that I will continually do my best to be my best self and I will live my life – truly live. Mary and Dennis are gone but not forgotten. They can no longer live, but I can and I must. I must make my life worth living by choice.

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Sincerely from the heart,

Super Momma Maggie

(I plan to begin posting more on my other blog. It will be about my past life experiences that have made me who I am. If you are interested, check out www.maggieaspoon.com. And if you enjoyed this blog please like and share. Thanks!)

 

Just a little advice

Where do I start? I have learned so much from the death of my brother Dennis that I feel like I could go on forever writing about all the wisdom God has blessed me with during this difficult time.

I have already posted about cherishing life and living life. So now here is just some random advice.

  1. Live in the moment, but consider the future and the effects your momentary living will have on the future. For example, my body is overweight. I could “live in the moment” by eating whatever I want, whenever I want. However, the fact is that if I don’t want my journey to end early or painfully I must lose weight. Therefore, I must consider what each bite of food is doing to my body. This is a subject I could ramble on about but I wont. Let’s just say it is somewhat of a recap of the last blog post: Live your life… but live responsibly.
  2. Instill your moral beliefs and values upon your children. I am a Christian so in my case that would be the Bible. Please recognize here though when I say to “instill” it in them, I am not meaning to bang them over the head and force it down their throats. I am saying that if you do not instill YOUR moral values and beliefs into your children someone else will instill their moral beliefs into your child. This leads me to number 3.
  3. Have a plan for your child. I don’t mean to expect they will be the next Rembrandt, or even be a painter, a dancer, or whatever. No, I am talking about deeper than that. Figure out what you expect from your children and expect it, but be reasonable and always extend grace as needed. My personal plan for my children is a list of traits I hope and pray to instill in them; the list is individualized for each of my children. Perhaps I will post about that sometime.
  4. Children are often like a rainbow. Imagine each color is an emotion. They are beautiful when properly expressed and to know what that means you have to know your child.
  5. Know your child. Really get to know them – and their friends.
  6. Never ever, ever, GIVE UP. There is a distinct difference between recognizing a lost cause and a challenging situation. Learn to know the difference. Get up. Dust off. And go at it again, and again, and again, until you succeed.
  7. Mend relationships. Not every relationship is healthy. I know that, but perhaps consider, “If this person died tomorrow what would I wish I had said or done differently, if anything?” And go for it. (But there is a time and a place for letting someone go.)
  8. Regret is from the devil. It is an evil monster that hopes to steal your happiness. It saps your emotional energy at the very thought of the incident(s) that you regret. NEVER WALLOW IN REGRET! NEVER! Let it go. Like the song says… (When you stop singing read number 9.) 😉
  9. Tell people how you feel about them, even when it is challenging but especially when you have something kind or encouraging to say. You never know when those kind words or encouragements will save a life.
  10. Fearlessly be yourself. ALWAYS.
  11. Recognize you cannot fix anyone. But also recognize that people can and do change. Your example and expressions of your feelings in a kind manner are the best ways to help a person change. But some people are just old dogs that don’t want to learn new tricks. In those moments we have to either accept that person or their traits and move on, or be willing to let them go. Sometimes a lack of change can lead to a person who is much like standing water. Sure it is water and water is good, but standing water, when left alone without runoff will become stagnant and gross.
  12. Never, ever stop growing. You are either growing or dead. There is no in between.
  13. Dream. But don’t just dream the possible stuff. Dream the im-possible. Audry Hepburn said, “Nothing is impossible. The word itself says “Im Possible.” You will never reach the stars if you aren’t aiming for the moon.
  14. Love. Love your neighbor, your friends, your parents, your kids and especially complete strangers because every one of those people need love. We all need love and everyone may not deserve it by their actions, but who deserves love is not for us to judge. Love is like water – it gives life. Pass Love out like you have an endless supply because really you do.

I could ramble on more but again I find myself musing at 12 am…

If you enjoyed this blog click on the “subscribe to feed” button to be notified when I post again. Don’t worry. I wont spam you. And please share on social media if you found this helpful. Thanks!

Super (but not feeling so super) Momma Maggie

(So my dear editor has commented that perhaps I should do something about my grammar, spelling and punctuation errors that happen when I write late at night. For your information, and hers, if I write after 11 p.m. I schedule the article to post the following day.  This means there is no time for editing, or if there is I suppose I just feel like the point I am making is much more important than perfect grammar, punctuation and spelling. I will do my best though. I suppose this is an area I could improve in.)

Cherish Life Pt. 2

I recently wrote about cherishing life. In my last post I ended with:

“What I am saying is simply to cherish life as if each moment is special and unique, because it is.”

This hit me hard. I have realized I haven’t done that. I haven’t lived like I cherish life. I haven’t lived each moment as if I know the brevity of life – but I do. I do know how short life is. With a sister dying at age 30 and a brother dying at age 49, I know life can be short.

However, I have lived my life as though it were a burden.

Not that my children are the the burden, or my husband, but rather Life itself. Life, for me, has been filled with so much struggle, pain and strife and enough death that I must admit it is something I’m not sure I want anymore.

I am not saying I want to kill myself.

What I am saying is I feel fed up with the struggles of life. I want life to be easy. My life has never been easy, but I know it could have been harder. (I cannot imagine how people life a happy life when they have been through even more than I have.)

For me, happiness is fleeting and joy is illusive. But I refuse to make that the state of my being permanently. And wha ti smore is that I refuse to give up!

I have a friend – a very dear friend – who confessed to me how unhappy he was with life. He compared himself to someone who lives their life thinking only of themselves – not because they are selfish or uncaring – but because they are indifferent. He said he feels “satisfied” with life, but not happy.

I don’t want to live my life like my friend – or like my brother, Dennis, who seemed to never overcome any struggle that came his way. His struggles stacked up like garbage similar to the the poem below. “Sarah Cynthia  Silvia Stout Would Not Take The Garbage Out” but Shel Silverstein.

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Notice the end. When Sarah decided to take the garbage out it was too late and she met an awful fate.

I suppose this blog – part two – is about not just cherishing life, but living life. Truly LIVING LIFE. I have another friend who happened to leave the fellowship of believers to become an atheist for many reasons but one seemed to be that he felt like God himself was a burden and that we only needed saving because God condemned us, if He even existed at all. (This is a subject for another blog.)

I could go on forever about the subject of God but all I will say here is that it is not God who is the burden, but rather my response to what happens in life. The loss of my brother, for example, has given me a choice to give up on life or keep living and make sure I actually live my life not just survive it. But I digress.

Again it is 1 a.m. and I am blogging. This turned out long. I hope you read to the end.

Let me end by saying what I believe living life looks like:

Taking pictures (because someday that is the only image you will have of someone), making memories, always doing your best to be your best and giving yourself and others grace and love.

This is the quintessence of life: to live a life where you are your best self, not to please people but rather because, aside from religious reasons, it is logically the best thing to do.

Life is easier when I am my best.

And with that I bid you good day, as I have scheduled this to post tomorrow.

Super Momma Maggie

(To Read Cherish Life Pt 1. click on this link: Cherish Life Pt. 1)

 

Cherish Life Pt. 1

Written around 12 a.m. on Saturday, June 24th.

Today began like any other day. I woke up groggy, called my mom (as I do nearly every morning), and got dressed. What I didn’t know was that this would mark one of the hardest days of my life.

I was born the youngest of five siblings but it was complicated. My mom had given up her son for adoption when she was 19, so I wasn’t even raised with him. As for the others, Mary was my only full-blood sibling, but I was raised with my dad’s two sons from his first marriage as well, so they all felt like one big somewhat happy family. The only problem was that I think I was born too late. I mean, I know God know’s what He is doing and all but the gap between my siblings and I proved to be a problem.

Dennis was the oldest sibling I was raised with. He was brilliant – I mean a true genius. But like many genius people, he had his pitfalls.  Those are not for me to share, but lets just say he struggled his whole life to overcome his issues. His mother had died when he was young, which is how our dad ended up with my mom, and that trial was one he struggled with his entire life.

…A life which was cut short.

Dennis is gone, but never forgotten, as they say. The hardest part is that before he died we had “parted ways,” so to speak. We had a fight in person, which then became a fight over email which ended in us not speaking. The cut off from each other ended up being permanent as he is now gone.

I am sharing all this partially to get it out there. Additionally I think it sometimes death helps us realize just how blessed we are. I knew I was blessed with a husband, children, and family and friends, but I took one life for granted. When we cut ties I let it be. I thought, “he will come back some day and we will make amends.” I didn’t even try to make amends. It wasn’t pride, really, it was more that I thought I had time. We had cut ties before and then made amends. How would this be any different? I thought time would heal all wounds and we would be friends again. I truly believed that it would work itself out.

It didn’t.

What I want my readers to know is that life is short. It has been compared to lilies in a field which bloom one day and then another day are gone. I truly never know when my candle will stop burning, nor do I know when the next person I love, like or care about in any way will cease to reside on this plane of existence. This means I should cherish life.

What I am NOT saying is to fear death or in any way avoid living. Neither am I saying that one should just do whatever because you never know when your number will be up. What I am saying is simply to cherish life as if each moment is special and unique, because it is.

I am writing this at 12 a.m. so more later.

(To Read Cherished Life Pt. 2, click on this link: Cherish Life Pt. 2.)

Super Momma Maggie

Now what!?

I am 8 weeks pregnant, and then some. I feel excited but find myself checking the clock.  Yes, checking the clock!  I find time moving very, very slowly. My mother is visiting which helps time pass as we get work done, but when we are not working time is dragging. I find myself thinking, “Now what!?” What am I supposed to do now that I am pregnant?

It feels a lot like when I came to a realization many years ago. I was sitting alone, thinking to myself about my life. It dawned on me that I had now reached my goal. My biggest goal in life was to get married to a wonderful, Christian man and then have 12 children. While I had not yet had 12 children, and I doubt I ever will, I did have two children and the Christian husband I had planned to have. I felt like I had accomplished something great, and found myself thinking, “Now what do I do?” Of course the answer was simple, “Raise the silly kids!” (And the husband, actually.) But I still found myself wondering if there was something I was missing.

Nope. There isn’t. This is my lot in life: to be happily married and raise my children. Now I am having a third child and find myself very excited yet wondering if I missed something. I also find myself sort of holding my breath as I think about the birth of this child. I have experienced two vastly different scenarios giving birth.

With my first child, Cassie, I gave birth in a birth center. It was a serene and beautiful birth. The only pain I experienced was the moment she emerged causing a small tear. I used no medications and was grateful I did it on my own. I went home four hours later, feeling like I had conquered the world.

With my second child I had planned a home birth. We were living in Oregon at the time and after my first experience now 2 years ago, I felt confident in a home birth. Well that didn’t work out! I woke up at 2 a.m. bleeding and had to call my midwife over. She personally drove me to the hospital, promising I could come home if it was “nothing.” It wasn’t “nothing.” My placenta was tearing from the wall and I was bleeding to death, literally. This ended in an emergency c-section, but I was alive as was my beautiful baby girl.

Now I find myself pregnant and thinking about this birth experience. I am hoping for a VBAC.  That’s a normal birth after c-section.  Since the previous birth was an emergency c-section some of you might think this isn’t possible.  I but knew I would want a VBAC 10 years ago when I was headed into surgery.  At that time I kept repeating it, “I want a VBAC.” And several times during surgery I heard the nurse say, “No, she want’s a VBAC, do it this way.” So I do think it is possible.

Really I am finding whatever you believe is possible often is. If you believe you can or think you can’t you are correct! Well I believe I can have a healthy pregnancy and end it in a VBAC, delivering a healthy baby BOY. (I want a boy but haven’t had my discovery sono yet.)

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Here’s to having a happy, healthy pregnancy and delivering a happy, healthy child!

May you be blessed today and always.

Supera Mama Maggie

 

Hello Again!!

I am still here! Just uber busy. But I will make time for you again soon!

I know I don’t blog much… and maybe you are starting to wonder if I fell off the face of the earth. But here I am!!

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Life is hectic for everyone — well maybe not couch potatoes — but it is for me!!

I have decided to homeschool my children and SURPRISE I am pulling them out beginning Monday, 5-9-2016. WOW!  What a huge endeavor for me!!  (Okay so I am using a lot of exclamation marks, but I feel very exclamatory this morning.)  I only have two kids right now and they are now 8 and 10.  But still I find myself feeling nervicited.  This is a word that I was exposed to with My Little Pony (yes I watch it with my kids).  It is obviously when you feel nervous and excited!  I do!!!  I want so badly for my children to receive the level of education that they individually  need.  Then there is the question: can I do it?  The answer: YES! With God’s help.

I know the Lord has blessed this endeavor as I have prayed and prayed and prayed and really thought this through and my heart just tugged me in that direction.  It was as if the Lord was saying, “Yes.  DO it.  You can with my help!”  SO I am!! 😀

In addition to homeschooling, I am still the Business Manager of my husbands chiropractic office. Whew!!  What and undertaking…  But it is very rewarding.  I get to see transformation in people’s health every day!  I feel excited to go to work — except on the rare days that my BPD gets me down.  But even then, once I am out of bed, I feel ready for the day ahead of me.  Speaking of which, I have to hop to it!!  But I wanted to say “Hi” and let you know that I am still blogging just right now not so often.  I will, hopefully, get back to it soon.

Thank you for your patience and I am glad you are still reading!

Keep pushing on and moving forward!! 😀

Supera Matris

The Last Time…

Last moments are a bitter-sweet thought. The last time your child asks you to rub their back or the last time they ask you to cuddle. These moments are special, for sure, but they are a fork in the road…

Interesting Blog Post – Click here to read

I have read a similar post before about the “last time.” That last time that your child asks you for those intimate times as a small child.  Things like, “Will you play with me?” (usually on the floor), or “Can I cuddle with you?”  Those moments where they get out of bed and run to your room because of a bad dream.  It is in those moments that, for me and my children, intimacy is built.  I get a chance to see through their eyes — to see the world as they see it.  When I play with my daughters I get to watch how they believe the world really is.  If you have ever played dolls with a little girl you will know what I mean.

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These “last” moments are a bitter-sweet thought.  They are growing up in the Lord and I am teaching them how to be successful and healthy adults.  So these moments where they ask for the last time may signify that they are just growing up.  Or they may show that I am not putting enough into our relationship.  I know my oldest stopped asking me to do her hair because I would say, “I think I can,” as I sometimes do, only to not wake up early enough before school to do so.  She stopped asking because I wasn’t delivering.  I only found this all out one day when she exclaimed that I never do her hair because I never wake up early enough.  She sounded disappointed and upset at the situation.  I felt bad and realized that it was I who had let that fall behind.

As those moments come and go where they stop asking, I have an opportunity.  As mentioned in the post I shared, I can let those moments go and wish they would return, or I can seek out new ways of becoming a part of their lives.  I think this fork in the road determines much of the future.  I know in my personal life my mother and I did not always have a close relationship until I was an adult.  It was then that we both found a way back to each other.  I believe, if we are not careful, we can and allow our children to become distant and lose that intimate part of the relationship — that part that says, “Can I cuddle with you?” or “Will you play with me?”

But all hope is not lost if those moments slip away; sometimes without us recognizing that in our bustle and hustle of life we have allowed them to pass us by.  My mother and I are now best friends.  She said she considers me her very best friend, which is an honor I am grateful for.  So to those parents (Dad’s have these moments, too) who have lost that time be it naturally or due to busyness remember this:  it is NEVER too late to cultivate relationship with your child.

May God bless you this day and every day!

Super Mama
Maggie

Can a friend be a friend FOREVER?

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I love the song sang by  a music group called Acappella, “Friends are Friend forever.”  I doubt it was written by them, but I love the A Capella version.  It is so beautiful.  The general message of the song is that Friends are Friends Forever “if the Lord is the Lord of them.”  Such a sweet thought.  But shouldn’t we make the most of our friendships while on earth as well?

I have so many FB friends…. how much do each of them really mean to me?  Do I call you?  Do we chat on a semi-regular basis aside from the sharing of posts back and forth?  Do I do more than just read your page every once in a while?  Or do I just read the news feed and see your post… or not?  When was the last time we at least shared a personal message thread?

I believe friends can be friends forever, and I also believe that what we do NOW counts.  We can allow relationships to deteriorate and fall apart.  Or we can work at them and enjoy them as they flourish into intimate relationships.

Today I found out that a friend of mine recently died suddenly due to unknown causes.  I cried for three reasons when I found out.  One because the lovely lady, Wendy, has gone on to Heaven to be with the Lord and sadly left behind many friends, loved ones and a husband and children.  I cried because I too have lost my sister who sadly left behind her four children and loving husband and I know what that loss is like — what it is like to lose someone you love.  And I have seen how it has effected my dear, sweet nieces who loved their mother very much.

And I also cried because I had let her go a long time ago.  When was the last time I SPOKE to Wendy?  I mean really spoke?  We were friends at camp when I was 15 or so.  She was a joy to be around but I never really tried to get as close to her as I could have.  We did not share an intimate relationship.  I would call her a friend, not an acquaintance, but we could have been closer if only I had put in the effort.

So with all the social media that begs the question, what about people who have more than 300 “friends” on Facebook?  I know I have exactly 418.  I have “cleaned out” my Facebook before, deleting people who I knew only by mutual friend and we’ve never actually communicated.  Some of them I had never even gone to their wall to see what was up.  Those are “FB acquaintances” and IMHO perhaps they should be deleted.  But my mother calls her FB a ministry…  She prays for her FB friends and hopes that her communication with them, even if it is only through them browsing HER wall from time to time, might bring them to God or draw them closer to Him.  So should we keep every FB “friend?”  I leave that judgement up to you.

Wendy will always be in my heart and I look forward to spending Eternity with her singing (she had an amazing voice), laughing and loving each other.  But somewhere inside I know that on this earth I could have done better.  I could have done better. I didn’t.  I never called.  Goodness I didn’t even have her phone number for the past several years.  I only saw her at camp when I visited and that has been several years.  So really we just had a Facebook relationship at this point.  To me that is letting her down…. letting our relationship deteriorate because of MY lack of effort.

Friends are friends forever, but only if we make it that way.  We can let friends drift away from us.  It starts slowly, creeps in.  Less seeing each other, less talking on the phone or in person.  Then one day you may realize you haven’t gotten together in a while and perhaps you do, or perhaps don’t.  Sometimes all it takes is a move to a far away place, say from Texas to Oregon (or the other way around, both of which I have done).  I have people in Oregon that I still call friends and whom I enjoy watching their life on FB, but I haven’t spoken to them, even in a personal message, in a long, long time.  I am letting those relationships deteriorate from a more intimate relationship to more of an acquaintance… or perhaps them not even counting me as a friend at all.

I must put an aside her about acquaintances.  There is something to be said for having them.  There are several different kinds of relationships and not every relationship has to be super intimate.  My MIL has acquaintances everywhere she goes, or perhaps some of them could be called friends.  She knows the names of the workers at the places she frequents.  She calls them by name and even knows some details about their life, such as their mother’s failing health, and from time-to-time may ask them about it.  Are these relationships meaningless or pointless?  Should we eliminate all contact from people (on FB or otherwise) who aren’t intimate friends?  That is not what I am saying here.  I am simply making the point that you get out of something what you put into it.  My MIL has worked at these relationships, starting with learning their name by face, not by name tag.  The relationship can progress into something more, or not, but either way these relationships mean something.  I have noticed that if I just remember someone’s name, call them by name and say “Hi,” and ask them how they are doing it brightens their day.  …For a moment or perhaps the feeling lasts all day but isn’t that “Hi” worth the effort?

My whole point as I write at 4:30 in the morning is this: Work at a relationship when it matters to you and don’t let friends slip out of your hands.  You never know when tragedy will hit.  Not to be depressing or anything, but death comes to our door often without notice.  When it knocks, who knows how many people will regret not calling, writing, or reaching out to that friend.  Make not that mistake.  Avoid regrets in your relationships — this goes for all relationships.  Reach out to those you care about and to those you love and let them know you care.  IF you have like 300 FB friends, consider either “weeding them out” and/or contacting one a day and just expressing your feelings for them.  One a day is 365 people a year.

Lastly, if you have lost someone and you know you didn’t reach out to them as you should have, forgive yourself.  While I regret not being closer to Wendy like I would have enjoyed, I will not spend my time regretting it.  I will spend my memories of her with gratitude that I knew her at all, ever, and that she counted me among her friends.  May she rest in peace and may her friends and loved ones find a little peace and comfort today and every day until they meet her again.

God bless you as you build your relationships.  May they be everlasting and may you cherish them always.

Supera Matris
~Maggie

Re-Defined: Failure vs. Success

Here I am again feeling like a failure as a mom because my house is a mess, my kids don’t brush their teeth as often as they should (sometimes not even once a day), they leave home with their hair in a tizzy looking like a ragamuffin, and working full time now I just cannot keep up with anything at home.  I am certain many of you can relate.  Sometimes I feel scared I am raising my kids wrong.  Not just because of those little things, but because of bigger things.  I look in the mirror too much – staring at my imperfections hoping they will just poof away some day.  I don’t want them having that horrible problem.  I want them to know they are beautiful without arrogance and feel beautiful inside and out.  But that means I must model it for them.  Oh some days I feel like a terrible model for my children!  But that is every mom, every dad, every person.  We all have our days where we just screw up and have to start over fresh the next day…  Am I a failure as a mom when I mess up?  Am I a failure because I just don’t do it all correctly every day?  Will my kids turn out okay despite my mistakes?

What defines a failure (as a person, mom or dad)?failure vs success3 ww

The English dictionary says failure is (emphasis added),

1.  an act or instance of failing or proving unsuccessful; lack of success (Hey I thought you couldn’t use the word to define the word!?)

2. nonperformance of something due, required, or expected

3. a subnormal quantity or quality; an insufficiency

4. deterioration or decay, especially of vigor, strength

I included them all because they all say something a little different but in reality they are all the same.  We expect something from ourselves and we fail ourselves; or that is what we sometimes believe: "I have failed".

But I agree with Thomas Edison:

failure vs success1

I believe that when we fail, it is only true failure if we give up – stop believing in yourself or your goal, to stop hoping, to just plain stop working toward your dreams.  The act of not getting back up once we have fallen is to fail.  When we get up, brush ourselves off and keep pushing on that is the movement toward success.

So what, then is success?

Success is defined as:

1.  the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors; the accomplishment of one’s goals.

2.  a performance or achievement that is marked by success, as by the attainment of honors (again using the word to define the word!)

3.  a person or thing that has had success, as measured by attainment of goals, wealth, etc.

They all say similar things – the achievement or accomplishment of one’s goals.  So in my case success would be achieving my goals as a parent.  This, however, requires that I have goals.  I do not believe that success as a parent is to raise a perfect, well-balanced adult.  There are so many factors that go into raising a child, to a teenager, to a young adult, to an adult.  The older they get the more others have influence over them.  Therefore I have landmark goals.  I desire for my children to grow up to become Christian adults who devote themselves to God the Father in Heaven and follow the Holy Bible as it is written.  This requires I model what a Christian adult is, as well as teach them now while they are young about the scriptures, as well as other similar tasks.  Another goal I have for my children is that they love themselves.  Not in some narcissistic way, or with arrogance; but rather in a true loving way where they both recognize their faults and appreciate their beauty and goodness.  This is important to me because I struggle with this myself.  I love myself but I have my days where I don’t like myself at all.  I can be very derogatory toward myself.  But I work hard to be positive around the kids and to help them see that Mommy does love herself, even if she has bad days.

sumofexperience

So as they grow they will change to be some adult I did not make them into.  They will become individuals somewhere along the way – each day becoming more and more like who they are meant to be.  My adult child making poor choices does not define me.  An adult has the ability to choose their own path.  So once they “leave the nest” our job changes; it is up to them to fail or succeed.  I am not there yet but I asked my Mom what she considered her job to be now that I am an adult. She said:

To be available for communication, be supportive, encourage, lift up when my child is down, to provide emotional support.  And when things get tough, maybe my child even does something “bad,” the job goes on to be the same and to express extreme love to your child, despite the situation.

In the end, my hope for my children is that when they are all grown up, they will look back and see that the mistakes I made were just that – mistakes.  Not some vendetta to ruin their lives.  And that they will eventually become well-rounded, balanced adults.  Who knows?  Maybe one of my kids will do something that changes the world.  But just existing and doing anything changes the world around them because everything would be different if one person was missing.

Let me leave you with this:

failure vs success2

Keep pressing on.

Super Mama Maggie

Re-Defined post poned?

I apologize.  I had planned to post daily.  However there is enough drama in my life I cannot even watch drama shows because my life is full enough without them!  I want a comedy to help me laugh at someone elses silliness as I know I may look back and be able to smile at my drama now.

However, at least temporarily, too much is going on to give you the amazing-ness I had planned for and prayed about.  Please pray, if you are one who prays to the God of Heaven, to help me as I deal with the hand God has dealt me, so to speak.  I believe God is at work I just struggle with fearing the work of Satan.

Here is an AWESOME song that is helping me get through all this and not give way to the fears of what could be.

“Overcomer”

Staring at a stop sign
Watching people drive by
T Mac on the radio
Got so much on your mind
Nothing’s really going right
Looking for a ray of hope

Whatever it is you may be going through
I know He’s not gonna let it get the best of you

You’re an overcomer
Stay in the fight ‘til the final round
You’re not going under
‘Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it’s hopeless
That’s when He reminds You
That you’re an overcomer
You’re an overcomer

Everybody’s been down
Hit the bottom, hit the ground
Oh, you’re not alone
Just take a breath, don’t forget
Hang on to His promises
He wants You to know

The same Man, the Great I am
The one who overcame death
Is living inside of You
So just hold tight, fix your eyes
On the one who holds your life
There’s nothing He can’t do
He’s telling You

You’re an overcomer
Stay in the fight ‘til the final round
You’re not going under
‘Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it’s hopeless
That’s when He reminds You
That you’re an overcomer
You’re an overcomer

God bless you in any drama you may be feeling yourself.

Super Mama Maggie