101…Just a little slow.

I am still around just moving slow…

This marks my 101st blog post since I began.

I am here, just a little slow! I am doing better since the loss of  my bother — I have good days and bad. But I wanted to let you know how I am doing and that I am still here and planning to blog as much as I am able. I am in NC with Wren and my parents (Cassie, my oldest, visited my parents earlier in the summer by herself). It is some good down-time and I am enjoying spending time with some of my favorite people in one of my favorite places.

I feel like I haven’t blogged in forever. Life has been crazy busy – as I know many lives are. But, hey, if I can find time for Facebook, I can find time to blog instead. I enjoy blogging – sharing my life with others and hopefully helping someone. I have had some good verbal comments that are very appreciated. So, I will keep blogging on to help at least one.

OnepersonshouldmakeadifferenceJFK.png

I’ve blogged about this before but let me summarize:  I took out the try because I feel like everyone CAN make SOME kind of difference in someone else’s life, and we should all try our best to be our best self. I cannot be any better than my best. But truly, if I am honest with myself I am never perfect and, therefore, there is always more to squeeze out of me. It takes commitment, effort, dedication, devotion, and self-discipline.

This means I can push myself past what I comfortably feel is my best and find more within myself than I thought I had. Just something to ponder.

Well anyhow… I intend to blog while I am in NC but we will see. I have Dennis’s memorial to attend on the weekend of August the 5th so if you are a praying person, please keep me in your prayers.

May you be blessed today and always!

Maggie A. ‘Spoon

Transparency with Love

I am going to be completely transparent here and share my thoughts, feelings and lack of action. Enjoy the read!

I am going to be completely transparent here. I feel like Paul in scripture (Romans 7:14-25). I considered just quoting what he said, but he uses such language that I find myself getting lost in the verbiage and missing the meaning if I am not careful. Therefore, I read it again and again and decided to paraphrase. These are my words:

I know what I ought to do and what I ought not to do. But rather than doing the thing I know I ought to do, I do the thing I know I ought not to do, that is to sin. I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do not is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not what to do – this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not what to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members [or parts of my body].

The point of it all? I know what I should do – what is good and right and best. I know how to please the Lord with my actions, words, and deeds. God has blessed me with a lot of wisdom, but I feel like Solomon from scripture here. Solomon had so much wisdom and yet made mistake after mistake and it ruined him and his empire. I feel like I have a choice: to do what I ought to do, the things I know are best – the things that please the Lord and the things we are called to do in scripture. OR I can choose to let it go and just let things be as they are, just give up, basically.

notgivingup

I must extend myself grace, as the Lord extends me grace. I must recognize that I am imperfect and always will be. But I hold myself to such ambitious standards – standards I could possibly never reach – and I expect these things from myself and extend no grace when I fail. I beat myself up and feel guilty. Sometimes this causes me to feel sleepy, because I just feel so emotionally awful inside, so I give in and sleep my life away.

What I am trying to say is I have a lot of good advice to give but:

thinkingfeelingdoing

I think, I feel, but I do not do. I refuse to find myself to be a hypocrite. I will not express to my readers all this great advice and follow none of it myself. I will hold myself accountable for who I truly am.

I was once in a meeting where they asked us to come up with a purpose and mission statement, and recently I was instructed to come up with a chief aim (something I cannot explain very well).

My Purpose is, “To Live for God, making the most of each moment, loving and serving others as I go.”

My mission statement goes like this:

“I genuinely give life all I have and all I am.
I care deeply and intensely about each individual in my path.
I lead by example and am an example worth following.”

My chief aim is still a work in progress. It is supposed to be a short snippet that sums up the direction you want to go in life, or something like that -it is like your purpose summed up. So far, I have, “I live my life for God, serving him fearlessly in every area of my life.”  But I feel like that is too much like my purpose.

Then we were instructed to come up with how we were going to LIVE OUT our mission statement. Here is what I said:

I commit to life and individuals by doing the following:

I continually and completely Love God with all my heart, body, soul, mind, and strength, with enthusiasm and unfailing devotion.

I completely invest in my relationships and the direction they are going now.

I LOVE fully, deeply, with passion and emotional intelligence.

I am committed to enjoying life-altering relationships.

I push myself further beyond what I believe to be my “best self” every day and have integrity in this process.

Everybody fails. Everybody falters. But failing does not a failure make. Fail forward – which simply means to learn from your mistakes. Failure and mistakes make us fixer-uppers. (See this blog post: “Failure or Fixer-Upper”) Am I an example worth following? I do not know what others would say about me, but I feel like I do try to be such and my effort counts for something.

I will follow my purpose, mission statement, and chief aim to the best of my ability. I will be better today than I was yesterday and better tomorrow than I was today. I will grow and change every day for the better. This I commit to do consistently, but I also commit to extend myself grace and love to the extent that I know my Lord does.

So, in my transparency I say to you: Be your best. Do your best. But extend yourself grace. When you fall, get back up, dust off and hit it again, and again, and again.

There is a time and place for stopping something for various good reasons but when you find yourself making excuses for why you cannot do something that is a warning sign that you are giving up. At this point you must make a choice to let it go and give it up, or keep pushing on. There is a time and place for both.

I choose to hit it again and again until I am perfect, but extend myself grace. May you find it within yourself to do the same.

God bless you today and always.

Super Momma Maggie

Failure or Fixer-Upper?

Ever wake up and look at that to-do list and re-add items that you didn’t do yesterday? Or the day before that? Or a week ago?  Does that make you feel like a bit of a failure?

This is something that has been on my heart lately.  I have felt a bit like a failure — okay a lot like a failure.  My mother comes to visit about once every six weeks.  Well she hadn’t visited since September and I admit my house was in disarray when she came to visit in Janurary.  It is NOT, honestly, because I knew she was coming and loves to clean.  I work so hard to keep this house clean but with two kids and a husband who works full-time, it is tough.  I KNOW many of you understand where I am coming from.  But the messy house isn’t all of what makes me feel frustrated with myself.

Confession time: I am not who I want to be.  I don’t read my Bible hardly ever.  I’m not the best homeschooling mom ever.  My house is never completely clean.  I rarely pray unless I need something or someone else is struggling.  (I mean God and I don’t “chat.”  Not that it is commanded anywhere but really I think I should talk to Him more than when I want something…)

Really, dissecting that phrase: I am not who I want to be!!  But I am not even sure if I am who God calls me to be. I am a mom, a wife, and a business manager to a busy chiropractic clinic.  I work hard, but is it all enough?

I know that all it takes to change, for me, is to change my mind and just BE different.  I find that change comes easy to me.  However, when change involves other people, it doesn’t matter how good at change I am, they have to change too.

But the question here is am I a failure or a fixer-upper?

Is anyone ever a failure?  Think about that for a minute…

In my humble opinion, no one is ever truly a failure until they give up on themselves or die failing.  Look at Edison.  He worked so hard to make that light bulb and “failed” many, many times.  But it was the fact that he didn’t give up that kept him from actually being a complete failure.  In the end, he succeeded in his goal.

So moral of the story?  I am not giving up on myself.  I am not a failure.  I just have some fixing-up to do.  I have to make goals, stick with them and see them through.

So when you wake up and look at the to-do list and feel less-than, give yourself some grace and get outta bed and get to work.

May you be blessed today and always.

~Maggie A. ‘Spoon

 

Just Do It!

Can I say that without crediting Nike?  Idk so I will be safe.  Thanks, Nike. 😛

But seriously… This is a lesson I have learned recently.  I have been waiting to post a blog until I had something worth typing that was longer than a couple of sentences.  But you know, sometimes you dont need to ramble to get the point across.  Man, it stinks that it took me 30 years to realize that!!  I wonder how many friends I have lost because I “talk too much.”

Back to the point…  I have found that in my life I have sometimes allowed myself to be stopped from doing what I believed was right.  Sometimes it was fear of failure, defeat or rejection.  Sometimes just worry stoped me.  A whole host of things have stopped me from doing what I believe I should.  But in reality, none of those things that stop me are from God!  I mean, sure, there is a time and a place for God to speak up and stop us from doing the wrong thing.  But you and I know that is not what I am talking about.

I am talking about those moments in time when the spirit moves within me and I tell Him, basically, to shut up.  When he pulls on my heart strings and says, “Go talk to that person.” or the recent one, “Go visit the sick and lonely.”  That is when Satan speaks up and we have a sort of conversation.  It goes something like this, for example:

Spirit: “Go visit the sick and lonley.”

Me: “Really?  Umm… okay.  What would I say?”

Spirit: “Don’t worry about details just go.”

Enter Satan who is never short of excuses and negativity.  “Nah.  You can’t do that.  What if they throw their bed pan at you?  What if they are mean?  What if they are super sick and you get sick and DIE!”

Sound dramatic?  Well that is pretty much how it goes.  For someone who struggles with fear, worry and anxiety this is pretty much a common conversation and a show-stopper for me!

SO what do I do when Satan speaks up?  I am learning to turn it over to the Spirit and let Him handle it.

Matthew 16:23 (NLT)

23 Jesus turned to Peter and said, “Get away from me, Satan! You are a dangerous trap to me. You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God’s.”

That is how Jesus handled Satan.  The conversation I have with Satan could end something like this.

Me thru Spirit: “In the name of Jesus, get behind me Satan for you have in mind the things of man and I am doing the work of God.”

James 4:7 (NLT)

So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

Stop trying to do it alone!  Stop trying to fight Satan alone!  God did not call us to be lonely warriors.  He called us to join HIS army!  (THAT is a whole different blog post! ^_^)

Put Simply:

If you find yourself stopped by your fears and failures.  If you find yourself struggling to overcome them to do what you believe is right.  Simply keep going.

It was Winston Churchill who said:

If you are going through Hell, keep going.

Lastly, I feel compelled to mention a Bible verse that runs through my head when I reflect on all this.  I love the book of James.  In James 4, it is written (NLT):

13 Look here, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year. We will do business there and make a profit.” 14 How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone. 15 What you ought to say is, “If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.” 16 Otherwise you are boasting about your own plans, and all such boasting is evil.

17 Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it.

That last verse just catches me.  I believe there is another place in the Bible that this is discussed but I am uncertain.  Feel free to comment.  I just wanted to bring up that if I feel compelled by God to do something and I do not do it, I am sinning.  Remember Jonah and Nineveh. 😉

Bear the following verses in mind next time you struggle to do what you believe is right, for whatever reason or excuse Satan gives you.

Proverbs 16:3 (NLT)

Commit your actions to the Lord,
and your plans will succeed.

Also:

Proverbs 3:6 (AMP)

In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.

and finally:

Psalm 37:3-5 (NLT)

Trust in the Lord and do good.
Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.
Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you your heart’s desires.

Commit everything you do to the Lord.
Trust him, and he will help you.

God Bless you as you work to do His will.  More on that later. ^_^

❤  Supera Matris

I guess I did end up with a whole post when I only had one small thought. ^_^

WHEN I HIT PUBLISH it notified me that this is my 77th post.  As 77 is my FAVORITE number, I am celebrating!! ^_^

Like Daughter, Like Mother?

So my Mom, Susan, is now blogging which is cool.  But since I blogged first is that like daughter, like mother? Or the other way around? ^_^

Life has been super hectic but I am learning A LOT.  I have been thinking a lot about various blogs I could write but it is usually when I lay in bed at night and it is already late!

I am alive though, not that I have a ton of readers yet who were wondering.  I am planning to get back to blogging.  Readers or not I want to get out what I have to say.  Who knows who will read it someday?

Epiphany

I don’t know how many of you have played “The Sims”.  For those of you who haven’t humor me for a moment… In the game you choose a “Life Wish” for your Sim.  This “Life Wish” is their life-long goal.  It can be anything from reaching the top of the music career, to raising a family.  Once the Sim reaches their life-long wish that is it.  You just continue to play the game and have them go and do but to what end?  They’ve completed their goal.

I feel like I identify a bit with those Sims.  My life-long goal as a child was to 1) grow up. 2) Get married to my dream man (who I made a long, long list about), and 3) have children to raise and love.  So umm… I’m all grown up. I’m married and I have two beautiful children who I love dearly and continually work hard to raise.

Other such goals – stay with me here – were simple like “Own a nice house” or “buy that car I always wanted (a nice Toyota)”.  After moving once a year for seven years I have wanted to settle down somewhere in a house I enjoy that *I* pick out with a nice car that I enjoy and *I* pick out.  Other desires? Other than more materialistic desires that was about it. Until today.

I had an epiphany.  Where is the Lord?  Why did I want to grow up? So I could get married of course.  Why did I want to get married?  Well because I didn’t want to be alone and I wanted babies and every good Christian knows you have to get married to make babies!  Why did I want children? I don’t know.  As a kid it was this burning desire in my heart that stuck with me.  These goals were truly all I ever wanted out of life.  But where was God in all that.  Sure it started out with me as a child so I naturally wouldn’t consider God because hey, I’m just a kid!  But what about now?

So I got to thinking about that song…  Its an old church song that no one ever sings anymore except for maybe in the nice southern churches where they still sing the old hymns.  It’s about less of self and more of thee.  What’s it called? “None of Self and all of Thee’

  1. Oh, the bitter pain and sorrow
    That a time could ever be,
    When I proudly said to Jesus,
    “All of self, and none of Thee.”
    All of self, and none of Thee,
    All of self, and none of Thee,
    When I proudly said to Jesus,
    “All of self, and none of Thee.”
  2. Yet He found me; I beheld Him
    Bleeding on th’ accursed tree,
    And my wistful heart said faintly,
    “Some of self, and some of Thee.”
    Some of self, and some of Thee,
    Some of self, and some of Thee,
    And my wistful heart said faintly,
    “Some of self, and some of Thee.”
  3. Day by day His tender mercy,
    Healing, helping, full and free,
    Brought me lower while I whispered,
    “Less of self, and more of Thee.”
    Less of self, and more of Thee,
    Less of self, and more or Thee,
    Brought me lower while I whispered,
    “Less of self, and more of Thee.”
  4. Higher than the highest heaven,
    Deeper than the deepest sea,
    Lord, Thy love at last has conquered:
    None of self, and all of Thee.”
    None of self, and all of Thee,
    None of self, and all of Thee,
    Lord, Thy love at last has conquered:
    None of self, and all of Thee.”

 

So I realized.  For the past 28 years I have been living my life unintentionally for myself.  I wanted to get married. I wanted children.  Did I consult God on His will for my life?  Of course I believe God’s will was still done as I am a firm believer that God is in control of it all.  After all, I look back at my life and see His fingerprints everywhere.  I met my husband online and Presten wasn’t the first guy I met on there either.  I wanted to wait FIVE YEARS to have children, hoping to enjoy some married time before having kids.  When did I get pregnant? FIVE MONTHS! NO I do NOT believe that was coincidence. It was God doing His will over mine.

So now what? As a “Sim” I have fulfilled my life-long goal: to get married and have children.  Some might say, “Well, Duh, now you raise those children.”  Yes, of course.  I intended to.  I want to.  I love my kids and they are more than just a goal to me.  But what is my goal now?  What am I striving for?

I’m not sure how others feel about life goals but I believe it is important to have a goal – something you are striving for.  Be it to better yourself spiritually.  Or maybe to write the perfect novel.  Who knows?  But isn’t a life without a goal just a meandering, winding path leading nowhere?

So then part of me says, “Isn’t Heaven the goal?” Well yes, ultimately.  But what is my purpose here now?  Other than to raise my wonderful children why do I wake up in the morning?  Okay I know some of you are like, “Do you need any other reason?”  Forgive me if I sound negative or whatever but yes, I do.

My children are my sunshine.  They brighten each day.  Every kiss from them is pocketed away for the day when their kisses aren’t as freely given.  Every embrace is held tighter knowing that I do not know their fate.  Every time we have tickle time – their favorite game – I cherish those moments.  They are the “little wonders” of life that I will sit and think about in my old age.  My children are not only my “job” (as I stay home to raise them) but until today they were the reason I rose from my bed.  They are the reason I do the laundry – so they can be clothed.  They are why I cook and clean – to create a home for them.

But now I find myself wondering does God want me to do more than just raise my children.  And I do not mean just raise my children.  I mean, is their more to His plan for me?  What does He mean for me to be doing? 

Maybe I’m over thinking it.  But one thing I know for sure: I am done with being selfish and self centered in my goals.  What is a nice house or a nice car if I am not serving the Lord to my fullest capacity?  What is a beautiful life from the outside if on the inside it is devoid of God’s glory and purpose?

So now I intend to meditate and pray on what God’s will for my life is. I can be a mom and do the Lord’s work at the same time, you know.  Not to say that being a mom is not the Lord’s work. Man I hope I’m getting through here and not stepping on fellow stay at home mommas’ toes!!

Being a mom is a special calling and for some – maybe many or most – it is all the calling they need.  But for me I feel like God is pulling me to do something in addition to raising my children.  I just cannot figure out what that something is.  Whatever it is, I will involve my children as much as possible so they can help me serve the Lord in that capacity.

Questions, Comments and Curse words are welcome… well maybe the curse words arent welcome but I’ll take them any way! Smile with tongue out

Super Mama Maggie