Observations after a long and difficult day

Today marked the 11 year anniversary of the day my sister’s van hit a combine in the fog, killing her instantly, and sending her off to wherever God takes His children. I wondered what specific day of the week she died on only to discover it was actually Tuesday. So today was actually the exact day she died 11 years ago.

Morbid, I know. But bear with me here…

My oldest niece took the day off work so we could celebrate the life of her mother by enjoying a relaxing day together. Little did I know that lunch would cause havoc in my intestines and ruin half the day. I swear I used almost every restroom in every store we pasted by!! We were in a shopping district and I found myself spending more time in the restrooms than shopping! After a long, rough day I found myself the only one still awake. I began to look back at my life as I scrolled through social media.

I have lived 6 years longer than my sister. She was 30 when she died and I will be 36 in April. During the years without her a lot has happened that I have been unable to share with her or talk to her about. When I had my second daughter, I needed an emergency c-section. She was a nurse and I know she would have been there for me during such a difficult time. But she was gone already.

I cannot help but play the what if game every year on October 30th. But I can’t do that anymore. It drives me crazy and just makes me feel sad.

I have learned some things about handling death since losing my older sister and brother (2007 and 2017). These are in the order I thought of them:

1) death is something we all face therefore since I know that I need to be prepared. Have a living will, God-parents for my children, and yes, assurance for my afterlife.

2) never, ever, ever bother to ask “why.” It only brings pain. Knowing why doesn’t take away the hurt of the loss. My sister is still gone.

3) I am not the only one who lost someone. My sister had kids, a husband, parents, 3 half brothers, aunts, uncles, etc. I miss her and am hurting and I am not alone.

4) Accept that she is gone and love the moments she was here. No, she isn’t coming back, but I have to think of the good times we had instead of struggling every day to be happy because I focus on missing her.

5) Someone else cares and I am loved. God does. He is there the moments I need and want Him, and waiting for me when I don’t. He is there and He loves me.

6) I must avoid ruining everyone else’s day just because I feel unhappy today. I know my sister died on October 30th, 2007, but the stranger checking my groceries out for me does not know. So I shouldn’t react unkindly toward the strangers who I think should treat me with kindness. I get what I give.

7) I remind myself every time I think of her (and my brother), I will see them again. It is within me to feel and know that we will all be reunited someday. That brings me hope that no human can take away.

8) there is no good day to die. Though some circumstances make it easier to let some people go, there is never a convenient time for a loved one to die. Hands down, it is never something I welcome. Death, for me, is the worst suffering of life. My sister died on my half birthday. I didn’t care because we never celebrated that day. But it kinda drives my point home…

I hope some of these observations provided some insight for some of you. And I hope I wasn’t too morbid on one of my least favorite days of the year.

Be blessed with a long and healthy life… emphasis on healthy!

Maggie A. ‘Spoon

(Written and published from my phone. Please forgive all random errors and spellcheck failures. I did my best on the fly.)

Celebrating Recovery

I have recently come across an interesting thing called “Celebrate Recovery”.  For those of you who attend a church, you might have something similar.  It is a group of people working through their addictions and downfalls.  Every kind of addiction; from drugs and alcohol to food and co-dependency.  At first I felt awkward and shy.  (Yeah, *I* wash shy!)  I was nervous.  This was a group of people I had never encountered before.  I admit that at first, for a moment, Satan told me I was better than these people and we discussed it.  “You are so much better than these people” he whispered “You have never done drugs or been a drunkard.”  Then I reminded him and myself that all sins are the same.  I shooed him off my shoulder and went on my way listening to the presentation.  After singing hymns, talking about their step process and showing a testimony on the big screen, they had group time. 

This is truly what made me want to come back.  I heard stories from these lovely ladies.  Stories about their drug addictions, alcohol addictions and even food addictions.  I felt humbled and nervous.  I felt silly sitting there with my “minor struggles” with sleeping too much, depression and my addiction to food and especially sweets.  Again Satan and I had the same conversation but again I shooed him away knowing he was so very wrong.

Are all sins the same?  Humans most certainly don’t act like it.  Many people, unfortunately, accept some sins while turning their noses up at others or, worse, persecuting others for their struggles.  Does God not say that we ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God? (Romans 3:23-24)

22 This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

“There is no difference”, it says.  So why have humans learned to accept gluttony, smoking, and even “minor” alcoholism but persecute those who struggle other things.  I submit that perhaps the “other sins” are considered not only private – such as pornography – but also more negative.  Some people, I think, believe these sins are more harmful to the sinner as well as those around them.  But lets look at one of my struggles – obesity.  Those of you who have seen me recently might laugh or chuckle or whatever because with all those clothes on I don’t look obese.  But I do struggle with over eating and have been 220 lbs. at my largest, which is obese for my height and age.

Any way… I digress… how does obesity harm me?  Well being obese, according to reliable studies, causes heart disease, arthritis, and a shorter life, among many other things.  So it is very harmful to my body to over eat to the point of obesity.

How does my gluttony and obesity harm those around me? Well when I eat unhealthy I feel tired, so I sleep more and neglect my daily duties like doing the laundry, the dishes and keeping a clean house; which hardly teaches my children to keep their things clean.  When I become obese or overweight I cannot perform as well as a mom.  I don’t play actively with my kids.  They want to play outside but I don’t “feel” like it because I truly feel ill.

So a “simple” sin like gluttony, which is easily and openly accepted in church groups (notice POT LUCKS) does harm not only the sinner but also those who love them.

Now let me distinguish here since I thought of it.  I don’t believe it is being obese that is the sin.  Some people struggle with losing weight or gaining weight and I understand that.  The sin is gluttony – over eating and eating unhealthy foods, knowing that is it making you obese and unhealthy.  When we know something is bad for us we should not do it.  On the contrary, when we know something is good for us we should do it.

What is my point?  I love Celebrate recovery because they allow you to share openly and honestly about your addictions without judgment or gossip.  This is how I believe we as Christians should be.  The Bible is very clear about this issue – sharing our sins without judgment, gossip or persecution. Note James 2:12-13

12 Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, 13 because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment!

And

Ephesians 4:2
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

There are many other verses I could site here but I will just leave you with this: have more patience and love toward one another and recognize that your struggles are not any better or worse than your friends, co-workers, loved ones and even strangers.  We are all equal in the eyes of God.  The only difference between you and someone else is possibly salvation, which is meant to be shared!  So start lovin and start sharin!

Loads of love to y’all.  I’ve missed blogging.  My wordpress connection with facebook was screwed up but YAY I fixed it this morning.  Praise God!! Open-mouthed smile

So look forward to more of my ranting, raving and loving y’all!

*LOVE and HUGS*

Super Mom

If you are new please read my bio.  I am super because Christ makes me more than I am.  I do not proclaim to be super on my own.  Thanks! Smile